Shannons passing is so painful

**Lloyd574** · 08-13-2005 03:32 AM

I just cannot imagine the pain his family is enduring from what I have witnessed here on this board..So many of us,Mitch,Airstream,Howard,Chuck,SS,Jimgofast,myself and so many others are having difficulties dealing with this IMO.. Not that the difficulties are not normal, but that it is so painful. We all know Shannon did not want to die and if he knew this was going to happen he would have stopped riding in a nano second..

Life has a strange way of dealing the cards at times.

I for one am having a rough time even riding my bike. Maybe I am afraid, I just do not know how to express this feeling..Then I have the feeling of anger at Shannon for leaving all of us this way.

This is gonna take some real time to heal from and poor Nancy and the kids, I think of them everyday..

I could not sleep tonight and got up to post this, with a tear in my eye....Damn you Shannon......

**PONKAW** · 08-13-2005 03:59 AM

Lloyd...
I remember seeing the specifics on the crash (before it got deleted... not on this board)
and it was one of those Fluke things....

Wrong time wrong place..... Shannon for what ever reason got the worst of the worst.

Please don't fret over it .. it seems like he went out doing what he loved doing.... Can any of us ask for more?.. cripes I'll probably keel over during an intense BM at 56... Who knows....

Was he a great Charismatic person... huh... Yes....
So are You... and alot of peeps here ...

Cripes.. this place would'nt have hold my interest for a second if it wasn't so.....

I don't know you from Joe blow ... but I know what this..

means....
(Dairy Queen)
We move on..... its howYtrap would want it for sure.....

Lloyd I hope you find the peace you seek,,,,

Don

**Perko** · 08-13-2005 07:09 AM

Lloyd,

You are right, it is hard, he didn't want to die and had he had ANY idea that this may have happened he would've stopped ..... for awhile at least because you know he would've been dying on the inside if he did ...... if he did stop would he have been the same "YTRAP" we all knew and loved?

I know the gamma of thoughts going through my head make me a wreck from time to time but I try (REALLY TRY) to focus on being positive and upbeat like our lil' buddy. Does it always work ...... hells no .... I haven't been sleeping well either ... don't even wonna look at my bike.

I have a hard time reading posts like this because like you are when you type I am when I reply. We are all hurting and hopefully that hurting will turn into healing.

The good thing for me is that I'm remembering things he's said or done that 2 months ago I would not have.

You have the # if you need it.

SS

**Lloyd574** · 08-13-2005 08:46 AM

Thanks Guys, I will be fine..I just wanted to post my waking thoughts in the middle of the night, hoping that I may help myself and anyone else feeling this way..

It is just such a waste...Seeing his picture all over the site is kind of tough also...I had to change my avatar,also...

The poor guy who ran into him. If he ever visits this site, he will be very depressed..I hope he is dealing with it ok...We can only help the living and not forget the dead...

**Chris ND** · 08-13-2005 09:15 AM

You sound quite normal to me Lloyd...it's just not much fun right now.

Grieving close friends takes a while to get to an "okay" place with; I know.

Just embrace the things you are feeling and share, like you just did, when it gets a bit much.

Life and death are about the things we learn from our friends/peers and Shannon certainly showed us how to be light hearted and fun.

Probably wouldn't hurt so much if he had been a jerk but then we would have missed out on that good stuff.

Didn't mean to preach at/to you but, just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and the people so close to this tragedy.

Love and kinds thoughts to you all.

**BarbRN** · 08-13-2005 09:34 AM

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is a psychiatrist who has studied death and dying and it's stages. She has a famous book out called Death and Dying. Her stages that people go through are taught in medical schools across the world. I am particularly interested in them because I've experienced the stages with my mom's death and watching my patients go through them. I think what we go through, even the survivors who experience the loss, is very similar. See if you aren't going through these as well. I wouldn't have brought it up but in the last two days, I feel some of the anger about this event of losing Shannon. Everybody is at different stages at different times and some never pass through like it would be best to. Nothing you can do except know that all these feelings are normal and expected.

Stages of Dying

1. Denial and Isolation: Used by almost all patients in some form. It is a usually temporary shock response to bad news. Isolation arises from people, even family members, avoiding the dying person. People can slip back into this stage when there are new developments or the person feels they can no longer cope.

2. Anger: Different ways of expression

-Anger at God: "Why me?" Feeling that others are more deserving.

-Envy of others: Other people don't seem to care, they are enjoying life while the dying person experiences pain. Others aren't dying.

-Projected on environment: Anger towards doctors, nurses, and families.

3. Bargaining: A brief stage, hard to study because it is often between patient and God.

-If God didn't respond to anger, maybe being "good" will work.

-Attempts to postpone: "If only I could live to see . . ."

4. Depression: Mourning for losses

-Reactive depression (past losses): loss of job, hobbies, mobility.

-Preparatory depression (losses yet to come): dependence on family,

etc.

5. Acceptance: This is not a "happy" stage, it is usually void of feelings. It takes a while to reach this stage and a person who fights until the end will not reach it. It consists of basically giving up and realizing that death is inevitable.

Hope is an important aspect of all stages. A person's hope can help them through difficult times.

**Mclarein** · 08-13-2005 09:35 AM

I am going through something similar lloyd, I used to go the long way home everyday just for that little extra ride. Every weekend I usually go for a nice long ride. the only riding I've done lately is commuting to work and then home. I just cant get my head straight for some reason. To be honest, I've never had someone I know pass on before.

just thought id share my view

Ricky

**zrx/mopar** · 08-13-2005 10:13 AM

Every time I see a post about Trap I can't sleep that nite. I almost quit looking. But I still read them. It is going to awhile before my head is straight. Riding helps, for me anyway. Skeenah is going to be tough, but I will be there for sure. Got an old take off just for the First Annual YTRAP burnout contest.

**Chills** · 08-13-2005 10:23 AM

I was hanging out with Shannon that day. We pitted across from each other. What happened has been incredibly difficult for me to deal with. I myself had crashed at that same corner 2 years ago. The other rider involved was also a friend of ours. He stopped by our pit area a couple of times that morning to BS with Shannon and I. He's a good man, and I cannot imagine how he feels. I've talked to him and he's told me that he knows it was an accident, that there was nothing he could have done. But I know he's got be hurting as much as the rest of us.

As for the details of the accident, I didn't see it because I was on the track, too. But my girlfriend saw the whole thing. She is still very shaken up. She told me everything she saw, and it was a freak accident.

I see people on this board that have known Shannon for 10+ years. I wish I had known him that long. He was always so upbeat, always smiling. I really miss him.

**Perko** · 08-13-2005 10:53 AM

Originally posted by Chills
But my girlfriend saw the whole thing.

I don't mean this to sound "wrong" but when she's able I'd like to hear what happened .... it won't change a thing but I think I gotta know.

SS

**Tattoo13** · 08-13-2005 12:14 PM

Originally posted by ssiperko
I don't mean this to sound "wrong" but when she's able I'd like to hear what happened .... it won't change a thing but I think I gotta know.

SS

Don't ever feel that is wrong, it is part of working through everything. When we have a Critical Incident Stress Debriefing at the Fire Department, part of it is usually breaking down exactly what happened. Understanding exactly what happened is an important part in the process.
Remember, I am there if you need me.

**Andycabs** · 08-13-2005 12:18 PM

Originally posted by Lloyd574
I just cannot imagine the pain his family is enduring from what I have witnessed here on this board..So many of us,Mitch,Airstream,Howard,Chuck,SS,Jimgofast,myself and so many others are having difficulties dealing with this IMO.. Not that the difficulties are not normal, but that it is so painful. We all know Shannon did not want to die and if he knew this was going to happen he would have stopped riding in a nano second..

Life has a strange way of dealing the cards at times.

I for one am having a rough time even riding my bike. Maybe I am afraid, I just do not know how to express this feeling..Then I have the feeling of anger at Shannon for leaving all of us this way.

This is gonna take some real time to heal from and poor Nancy and the kids, I think of them everyday..

I could not sleep tonight and got up to post this, with a tear in my eye....Damn you Shannon......

I want to thank you for posting this Lloyd...In a strange way it makes me feel a little bit better. I thought there was something wrong with me for the way I have been feeling. I have never lost anyone I was close to and I didnt know what to expect. I had no idea it could be this difficult. And like you Lloyd..I,ve been waking up alot at night with Shannon on my mind..thinking about the old days..our first cars..trips we would go on..stupid kid things we used to do..I have tried to stay away from these boards in hopes of dealing with this better...Today I was saving pages on a disk and I came across this new thread that said exactly what I was feeling. Although Shannon and I werent as close in the last couple of years as we used to be..he was always there..We always managed to get together eventually. It's like Nancy told me at the wake...Shannon and I didnt have to see eachother all the time...whenever we did get together..we just picked up where we left off... I miss him..I miss thats he's not there if I just want to call and say hi...knowing that he wont be stopping over when he's out here visiting his parents. I do want to thank you all for for your posts and stories about Shannon..its given me a glimpse into part of his life that I didnt really know...I remember the last time I saw him..he stopped by on his way to work and asked If I would be willing to paint a bike for a friend of his...I said sure..just have him call me and pay for the paint...Cant help but wonder if it was someone from here?

**Chills** · 08-13-2005 12:25 PM

Originally posted by ssiperko
I don't mean this to sound "wrong" but when she's able I'd like to hear what happened .... it won't change a thing but I think I gotta know.

SS

I don't think it sounds wrong at all. I kept asking her question after question the whole way home, and the next day, too. I'll ask her if she can sign in under my name and PM you what she remembers.

**Tattoo13** · 08-13-2005 12:30 PM

It is hard for sure, I find myself staring at pictures of him, and thinking, wishing there was more. More time, more memories, more that I could do. Hell I never cry but I have spent more time with tears in my eyes this last two weeks than I have in the last ten years. I did not get to spend as much time as others did with Shannon, but the time I did it was always like I had known him 20 years, and I always figured there would be time when I was doen with school, and not so busy. Well I now feel I lost out and I am mad at myself for not taking the time.
I always say I want to live with no regrets, well this is one I will carry.

**Perko** · 08-13-2005 12:35 PM

Originally posted by Chills
I don't think it sounds wrong at all. I kept asking her question after question the whole way home, and the next day, too. I'll ask her if she can sign in under my name and PM you what she remembers.

If she can .......... I need to "hear" it ..... seems aweful for me to say buy I gotta know.

If she can't tell me verbally a PM would be great.

SS

**Steve516** · 08-13-2005 05:43 PM

I've had a hard time with it too Lloyd. I'm not angry with him, just frustrated that life has gotten so hectic that I can't do some of the things I want to do, like stay in touch with friends, come out to the wake and funeral, visit the board regularly. Take it easy Lloyd, call me if you need to. Thanks again for taking the time to keep me updated about Shannon. I appreciate it tremendously.

**Da DAWG** · 08-13-2005 07:17 PM

i too have struggled with this. I have cried and cried and cried. Yelled and screamed, swore off riding. But damn it he would be pissed if I did. You want to hear something really f'ing weird. My bike is still in my truck. I have not been able to bring myself to take it out. It has been sitting there since I left Chicago tuesday. It goes everywhere with me. But tomorrow it comes out. I am gonna suit up and ride. Ride it for my fallen friend. Ride it for me and all of you. It is something that needs to be done. To ride is to live, and to live is to ride. DOn't ever forget who you are or what you all are. Shannon wouldn't and neither should you all.
To you all that are beating yourself up over not going to the servcie. Stop it. I only have myself to take care of and it was an easy choice. I had to be there, more for me than his family. I had to do it. I talked with him to much about my trip in 2 weeks to drive a train. We talked of bikes and he said I will call you after my track day. He couldn't call. But I could by going there. It was an easy choice for me. I would of quit my job I was so passionate about going.

He touched all of our lives and if you all are his freind, HONOR him by continuing to ride. Ride for him and his honor and RIDE FOR YOURSELF! That is who you are!

THAT IS WHO WE ARE!!!! WE ARE HOOLIGANS DAMN IT AND THAT IS WHAT WE DO!!!!!!!

**YTRAP** · 08-13-2005 08:44 PM

All I can say is WOW!! You all are an amazing group of individuals. You all have been through hell and back with me these last two weeks.

I don't know why Shannon had to leave us so early in life. But the reality is, he wouldn't have wanted to go out with a whimper. He used to tell me he was amazed he lived a day past 30.

Shannon taught me many things in life, but one of the most important was to live every day as though it was your last. He definitely practiced what he preached. There wasn't a day when he wouldn't share a great story or a great moment or share how he touched other people's lives. He loved what he did and who he was as a result of it and we are all so fortunate to have had a chance to spend time with him, even if it was for 5 minutes.

This tragic accident has affected us and will permanently change our lives in some way shape or form. Just as we all are parts of a puzzle, Shannon lived for the comradery of this club and the people in it. What did Shannon love to do? Help people and he loved to ride. It was a part of the puzzle that made up Shannon. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been honored to truly glimpse into your worlds and see how Shannon touched your lives. It has helped me cope with the anger, frustration and sadness over this event.

I too wanted to know exactly what happened and have actually heard enough detail about the incident from first hand knowledge to have a good picture in my mind. I've also been fortunate to talk to the other individual involved in the accident (he joined us in the procession).

There will always be a great loss and I doubt there will be a day that goes by when I won't think of Shannon. In a way, I'm fortunate in that I can look at my 2 girls and see a part of Shannon every day.

I hope that you all will one day gain a sense of peace and strength to ride again. Shannon wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

**Da DAWG** · 08-13-2005 09:49 PM

Your words do us, at least me, alot of good. Your strength and understanding is an amazing quality. No wonder Shannon love you so. Thanks again for your words and remember we are always here for you. Always, I promise.
Craig

You seen this I guess. It is forever a memorial to Ytrap

**Lloyd574** · 08-13-2005 11:24 PM

Nancy thanks for the imput..I know your loss is greater than any of us can imagine.....I myself have lost a brother and a sister, so I know what loss is. Many here have not experianced loss of someone thier own age,healthy and with the same interest not to mention being a freind...It hits home.

This club has lost others in the past, but no one here in the Midwest that all of us oldtimers knew..It hits home for all of us knowing that he could have been ANY of us here. This is why we care so much, he is-was us, what we are..

I am so sorry for your loss and am so proud of your strength.

**PapaRex** · 08-14-2005 05:43 AM

Originally posted by rudedogiam
i too have struggled with this. I have cried and cried and cried. Yelled and screamed, swore off riding. But damn it he would be pissed if I did. You want to hear something really f'ing weird. My bike is still in my truck. I have not been able to bring myself to take it out. It has been sitting there since I left Chicago tuesday. It goes everywhere with me. But tomorrow it comes out. I am gonna suit up and ride. Ride it for my fallen friend. Ride it for me and all of you. It is something that needs to be done. To ride is to live, and to live is to ride. DOn't ever forget who you are or what you all are. Shannon wouldn't and neither should you all.
To you all that are beating yourself up over not going to the servcie. Stop it. I only have myself to take care of and it was an easy choice. I had to be there, more for me than his family. I had to do it. I talked with him to much about my trip in 2 weeks to drive a train. We talked of bikes and he said I will call you after my track day. He couldn't call. But I could by going there. It was an easy choice for me. I would of quit my job I was so passionate about going.

He touched all of our lives and if you all are his freind, HONOR him by continuing to ride. Ride for him and his honor and RIDE FOR YOURSELF! That is who you are!

THAT IS WHO WE ARE!!!! WE ARE HOOLIGANS DAMN IT AND THAT IS WHAT WE DO!!!!!!!

That last paragraph sums it up pretty good!

**jimgofast** · 08-14-2005 12:12 PM

I have come to accept the accident and its outcome, I know the risks, we all do, however what pains me is the effect it will have/and has had on Nancy and the girls, His mom and dad, and his sister. He loved them all so much. Im also troubled by the loss of such a great friend one who always made me laugh always there to lend a hand with the bike and anything else that needed to be done. I look at my son and ....... well just wish i could turn the day back so he could be with his girls again. I know he'd want me to ride still, maybe not on the track but he would still want me to ride, but i cant, I saw the affect it had on Nancy and his mom, and I just dont want to take the chance of putting Veronica and Colin through the same. I need to be here for them, and I want to be around to lend that same hand he has always lent me, to Nancy and the girls, what ever you may need Nancy, Veronica and I are going to be here for you and the girls always! he would do the same for us.

There was a reason god chose to take shannon to his side that day, hopefully someday we will understand why.

yeah i miss him!

Jim

**Perko** · 08-14-2005 12:59 PM

Well I gotta tell ya ..... I just came back in from tuning my carbs and making a few turbo adjustments to read the posts that were made since my last and I am floored.

Yesterday was a VERY emotional day for me ... could'nt sleep Fri night ... on the verge of tears all day at work, looking at the clock wondering what he was thinking at the time 2 weeks prior until 11:30 ish then I could barely contain myself. The rest of the day was just as rough.

Today I feel a lil' more relaxed .. the weather is a lil' better although I'm tense for some reason. The whole tuning this morning went extremely smooth as I usually have some issue that ticks me off but not today.

To Nancy and all of Shannon's family .... I am here (on the board, on the phone or if need be in person when ever possible) to help ANY way I can because I want/need to.

I know the girls (including you Nancy) will be strong because of the fanily that surronds you I also know that "moments" will come and go and those are the time we (all your family including us because we are) need you as much as you'll need us.

I am as thankful as anyone for knowing Shannon/YTRAP and because of the recent loss of him I feel we are all closer, kinda funny how that happened isn't it? I have made new friends (fletch

) and strengthed bonds with old and not so old friends. Amazing how the lil' guy can still have such a big affect on us even after he's no longer here ..... in the overall scheme of things it makes sense regardless of how hard it is to accept.

I feel like "YTRAP" has been tattooed into my soul.

With Love -- SS

**knedgr** · 08-14-2005 02:07 PM

ya know...life sucks sometimes. This happens to be one of those times. But, just like everything else...life does go on. I'll remember the times I was able to spend with ytrap. But now I must go on.
That fateful day, WAS ytrap's day. We all have our day ahead of us, and like ytrap, live each and every one TILL that day. Don't be looking back at life when you are 50, and wishing you had done this, or done that. Life is too short NOT to enjoy it. You can embrace your passions and still take care of your loved ones.
Nancy, you will think of Shannon often. I lost my brother in 1986, it does get easier to go on. Miss him? Hell yes. But I can do nothing to change that. Be strong for the girls and show them what a great Dad and person he truely was. We'll all miss him...especially at the rally's in the future.

Jon

**yt1477** · 08-14-2005 03:37 PM

Lloyd,

You are right on a lot of this. Yeah I maybe just a little mad about what happened, but to tell you the truth, it was one of those things that no one would want to wish upon anyone. He always had a good time, no matter what. But think about it, he did what he loved, been around people he loved, and he wouldn't have it any other way. I have had people I haven't talked to forever that didn't make it to the wake to say sorry about my brother. It's strange how life is. On the way up to Rockford the day before, Chuck had called me, and I broke out in tears after. On the way back home, I didnt make it a block before I started balling again. The Thursday night/Friday morning of his passing I couldn't sleep at all. I am having a hard time writing this. I usually am not that talkitive, but seeing how all of you reacted to my brother's passing makes me know there are people who I can talk to that understands that 'pain'. We just need to stick together and be strong. If we are having one of 'those' days, we need to reach out to a lending ear. Don't ever let the love die. Nicole

**fletch** · 08-14-2005 03:46 PM

I feel like "YTRAP" has been tattooed into my soul.

Scott, I have felt that way for 10 years.

**mattstang** · 08-14-2005 04:11 PM

Originally posted by fletch
Scott, I have felt that way for 10 years.

i only worked with him for about 5 years and i feel the same way!!!! i have many storys to tell, one day i will be able to tell them.

**Perko** · 08-14-2005 05:40 PM

Originally posted by fletch
Scott, I have felt that way for 10 years.

I can see that, yer 7 years luckier

than I am .... I just never realized it until now.

BTW, if I start tickin anyone off please PM me and tell me to shut up.

SS

**fletch** · 08-14-2005 10:00 PM

The most important thing for all of us to remember is that Shannon has had such a positive impact on all of our lives. And we were all very blessed to have known him, even if it seems that we didn't know him as well as we would have liked to.

We can pay tribute to him by helping others, as he did, when ever possible.

Rest in peace, my friend. You will live forever in our memories.

p.s. Shannon, it's been clowdy all weekend...is St. Peter letting you burn tires to the rim up their?

12ctch · 08-15-2005 03:08 PM

After meeting all of Shannon's friends in the cycle world, I understand more why he always looked forward to going on his track weekends and his week long trips. You truely are a great bunch of guys and gals. I went once to see him ride at the track, but now wished I had gone more. Thank you all for all of your kind words, your prayers, and your communications. It pains me every day to read the new posts but I can't seem to tear myself away either, he was a brother to me too. I love all of the stories and also to know that we are all going thru the same pain. I guess comfort in numbers. My sister is an amazingly strong person, but she couldn't be as strong as she is without everyone's help and support. I thank you all again.

Please remember, God never gives us more than we can handle.

Lisa
1 2 catch or as my husband says caught.

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Shannons passing is so painful

Stages of Death and Dying

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