Nearly killed; hit and run, please pray for me.
EXTREME RANT WARNING, sorry, I blame meds. I haven't been on since sep 28... here's why;
Around 1:30 am, on September 30th last year, while heading home to my girlfriends after work, I had just gotten on the interstate 101, northbound from mcdowell, and after a quick spool up to cruising speed (@70 indicated) -I realized it was too cold to be out in without leathers, especially to make a 25+ mile trek north especially with plans to return later still (I was glad the temp gave call for them.) So, I stayed in the on/off lane but noted headlights closing rapidly from the ramp behind me and figured it must be a cop enroute to a scene. Having decided to roll down to the next exit, take a cruise to my home (about 3 miles away) to suit up and get back on the road, I stayed in about the rightmost third of the far right lane and took the Thomas exit as while rolling off the gas, I noticed that the vehicle closing on me was coming across 2 or 3 lanes and attempting to exit as well, looking over my left shoulder I saw it was no cop car. I was hit when a brown, beat-to-shit, early '80's Nissan screamed by me, passing me on a one-lane interstate offramp and clipping my left barend. The bike leapt to the right about a foot, landed in a path parallel to my chosen and the front end went nuts, my hands were thrown off the controls and I scrambled desperately to get ahold of the bars. The rear brake affect was weak but I managed not to skid. In less than an instant, my life was forever changed. The exit veered left and I was airborne as the gravel-covered embankment built up for the roadway sloped away towards a concrete lined drainage canal 30+ feet wide and 10+ feet deep. Thankfully, I don't recall the next two seconds, but Highway Patrol recreationalists say the bikes front dug into the embankment and I was catapulted over 250ft bouncing through gravel and finally into the empty canal. Upon being shot over the bars, the right mirror; like a mellon-baller, took a 5"+ diameter, 3/4" deep super scoop out of my right leg, just outside the knee, gouging and exposing the cap and knuckle of both bones. My clothes were tattered, as was the flesh beneath. My boot sole was separated. Both wrists were shattered as were most fingers, some partially amputated, my ankles were disjointed and my backside deeply gouged. Numerous other open injuries occured and I came to rest in a half inch or so of fertilizer/waste/mud with a tiny trickle of farm field run off water where I lay unconscious for a brief time. Upon awakening, I stood and staggered about briefly, looking for the bike before discovering the mangled remains of my hands and seeing fingers broken off sideways and hanging by tendons. Looking down my left forearm, 8+ inches of the ulna were exposed, I could see through my left palm, and the right hand was about the same, tendons and bones visible up and down the length of the arm. My right hand was 90 degrees out of line with the wrist and arm bones, blood flowed everywhere. I muttered, then yelled; "you gotta be kidding me!! YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!" unable to exit the canal I began yelling for help. An older, mexican-looking fellow appeared after a few minutes and shouted down at me to "get the hell outta there!!" I yelled at him to call for help. He left, I tried to cop a squat on my helmet, missed, and lapsed in and out of consciousness a few times before an ambulance crew showed up. The crew reported my condition to the pd enroute to St Joes and DPS (Highway) sent a fatality specialist to the scene. They tried to get my name and such, but I wouldn't shut up about the brown nissan p/u. I remember wanting someone to make a note of it, and became angy when being asked other, insignificant (to me) questions instead of making that point. DPS sent a cop to do a dui/drug check on me and see how high I was, (not) then, finally, they gave me a shot of something that made everything below my neck disapear. Apparently, the cop then took a statement from me (now high as a kite) but somehow missed the reference to, the brown nissan, instead concentrating on anything else in the roadway. A few hours later, my name still unknown, I lapsed into a coma, after a few days my identity was found and my sister (from FL) was contacted for permission to amputate my hands, she declined and got ahold of my girlfriend after recovering my cell phone. G/f is a nurse and had been mad that I hadn't called over a week, but sis filled her in and she saw me through the bulk of the following; coming out of a weeklong coma, coming off a ventilator, 17 or so hand surgeries; (whatever $1.3M buys) donor muscles/tendons bloodvessels transplanted from left leg, 2+ square feet of skin grafted from both legs to other sites, numerous debriedments, 8 or 9 transfusions, 3 times hearing; "he may not survive the next hour", weeks of seeing me shaking under a pile of blankets lapsing a month where I could keep nothing down, nightmares of penguins with bills like scissoring steak knives tearing apart my hands, hours of crying, screaming moaning in pain. I finally remembered the accident in early November. The bike is totalled, flipped through gravel, stopped on canals lip. My "hands" are a sick joke. Social security and welfare want me to fill out forms. Mortage is months behind, ditto bills, one creditor calls daily, even after I explained that I have no money for them, but they come right after the roof over my head, my sons stomach, the lights gas phone, the jeep, aol and the rest of $2700+ monthly bills short term disability (teamsters, disapointing) put $544 per month (not week) toward. Whats gonna be comical is the half-handed guy trying to move his shit to storage via Uhaul when I get foreclosed/sellout. Over 17 years, I've dropped bikes, I've dumped, wiped out, been flung hiside and crushed under this and that. Never like this. I've heard numerous times that I'm lucky to be alive, but while I suppose I'm glad I'm not looking out of a vegetable, this isn't "luck" -quite the contrary, "lucky" is seeing me from the outside as perfectly healthy nurses have. Hell, "luck" would've been passing painlessly and in midair from this earth, before the combined forces of gravity and inertia deformed me and ground me to shreds. I just knew I had my gloves on, I always wore them... but, nope. Every day and night I pray and beg God for another chance, to live forward from Sept 29th, 2003, in this body and with all else as it was then, but knowing what I know now. I don't wanna win lotto, I don't need 3 wishes, I'd feel better if I could even have a few minutes to appear at the on ramp the minute before I shot up it, wave myself down if I have to scream at "me" and holding the helmet as it is now, briefly explain 100 reasons I should ease onto the highway... ..as that little nissan sings by... I'll likely never ride again. I have gained some insight regarding why some guys won't wear a helmet, they know they couldn't live like this... if it weren't for hoping I can still be there for and raise my son grows to be a smarter, healthier, happier man than me; I would've made myself some rat poison pancakes by now. My life isn't special, maybe I wasn't grateful when I was truly blessed, or maybe God is like a kid with a magnifying glass on an anthill on a sunny day, and if thats the case I hope he saw what he wanted happen. If there is a heaven, it will be like living forth from the day before, preventing the accident, and maybe kicking Gods ass in a boxing match because I couldn't see anyone in a position/condition praying to me and not getting my help asap... I wish all you who ride the best, I pray for you, and am grateful for any prayers you could find in your hearts for me. Maybe someday I'll get at least my sense of humor back. Sincerely, 03wadofZ1Rmetal.crybaby.comADMINS NOTE: Eric took his life on Friday, June 4, 2004 due to depression and hopelessness brought on by this accident. If you would like to contribute to his 7 year old son's trust fund, please see the details here: http://www.zrxoa.org/forums/showthre...threadid=57567
Guess I better not be complaining about anything
Hope somehow things get better for ya.
If there is anything we can do
Keep healing and let us know if there is anything that we can do for you.
I hope that you find.....
..... meaning in your life. There is a reason you lived, it might be to deliver a message to your fellow mandkind and to raise your son. May peace be with you my friend.
You are in my thoughts, Tinner
I agree with Mike.........
Quote:
Originally posted by BlkZrx
At the moment I'm a bit overwhelmed as to how to respond to your post.......
That's the most devastating story..........it really wakes a person up to what can happen in the blink of an eye.
I'm gonna go hug my family.
Peace brother.............
........... I can only pray for you at this moment. I was t-boned by a drunk almost a month ago,why I was lucky and not others I don't know. One thing I do know in my 50 years is I've been to the bottom. And you have to. But keep the faith man. You are special and worth everything. If there is anything you want to ask of me,just do it.
I am very grateful to all here.
I was going to post a pic of the bike, but don't know how to shrink bits, can I email it to someone? It's pretty bad, but recognizable, if I wasn't in my condition I'm sure I'd be trying to save her, engine at least, she wasn't 5 months old, but we'd logged almost 5K miles, she was such a smoother, stronger version of my first love, her great-aunt I guess, an '80 Z1-R, every ride was like coming home to a better place. Mushy nostalgia,.. sorry. But I have plenty of other stuff to keep me busy. I have pics of me too but they'd be better fit in the "offensive" section, I look like a case study for a flesh-eating disease. I re-read my post and realized it's somehow therapeutic and empowering to see in print an account of some of what I've been/am going through, and not just be overwhelmed with where in life I am. I hope I'm not misusing the board in finding some relief this way, but somehow, it helps get it out; to share. I also realized I left alot out and hope that in continuing to share details as best I can, I can somehow bring something more to light than fear and pain. I've had to wonder if I've just really had it coming for being an A.H. in a past life, or if life as I knew it will be returned to me as a reward for withstanding this.. or.. what.. I think I accounted for near half of the past 5 months and unless anyone objects, I'd like to continue and hopefully complete a recount, to date, of everything I can recall. I was septic for a month, dropping from 210 to 150lbs when the exasperated Dr's cultured every oozing wound I had. Surprisingly, I had Mucor-mycosis, which typically only affects elderly, unhealthy, diabetic patients with, ahem... "compromised immune systems" having thus far recieved 4-5 transfusions -while comatose, and as I am, I was sure of what was coming next and sure if positive, it was injected in infected blood, luckily, the HIV tests came out negative. I was simply beaten way way down in the immune department, and a deep gouge atop my R butt cheek had a pocket of the fungus, not virus, delivered in deep incision and difficult to debried. Between hand surgeries, I underwent 3 operations, each of which went deeper and deeper as infected flesh was removed. From right above my hip, to about mid-cheek, my ass looked like someone hit it with a roto-tiller, at one floor, the nurses took an instant pic, intent on comparing it several weeks later when it would begin to heal. I have never had a weak stomach, I've seen pain from births to deaths, but I blew chunks all over fresh linen when a student nurse pulled it off a high shelf and held it before me saying; "what's this? it looks like a pig liver..." the next day it was ok'ed to graft over. I could fit my fist in my socket, it's still nasty and weepy in one spot where the graft got pulled... ..how many other guys has anyone here ever known to wear a pantyliner? Ha ha, I do. I been on the rag for over three months. Somebody had to laugh there,.. I did. Never refuse air-powered squeezie socks if you can bear them, DVT's (deep vein throboses, "blood clots") suck. I'll be on blood thinners til maybe forever because I said "nah, thanks anyway" to nurse once and thought it was fun getting away from "procedure". Stupid is all it was. They actually felt pretty good gently massaging my mangled legs all night, but I was a tough guy, I didn't need no fru-fru massage, I was there to get better not pampered and lazy... if there's a Mr. Toughguy/Dumbass award, I should at least be a runner-up this year. My right elbow is locked up, since mid-November, at about 120 degrees. The joint calcified because it was excruciating at the wrist until weeks after some pins came out, and while they were in it was the same, I'd damn near pass out if it got moved, body said; "problem solved". Dr's now debating over whether to fix wrist or elbow first, since wrist bone fragments, being reabsorbed into the body, will again grind on nerves regardless of blah blah, unless yadi yadi.
Then there's another issue, or three.. but I have to stop here for now... I was supposed to have sat down here to put some stuff on ebay (sons helmet, gloves I wasn't wearing, shop manual etc) and put a link in the "For Sale" section if it seems appropriate. Trying to keep the lights on here is an adventure since my labor Union arbitrarily decides who they'll return calls to, and who our contract applies to and when... grr.. maybe tomorrow. Thanks again to any and all. I feel like a four-cylinder Escort with 200,000 miles whose owner switches to synthetic, I need all the help I can get and can't imagine prayers could hurt. Please and thank you. Sincerely, Eric.
Re: I am very grateful to all here.
Quote:
Originally posted by 03Z1R
I hope I'm not misusing the board in finding some relief this way, but somehow, it helps get it out; to share.
No misuse in my humble opinion, Eric. Post early, post often.
Quote:
Originally posted by 03Z1R
I also realized I left alot out and hope that in continuing to share details as best I can, I can somehow bring something more to light than fear and pain.
I'm seeing a ton of courage and a strong will to live and get back on your feet. Keep on keeping on!
what I fear most of the future.. (vent)
the reliance on and addiction to chemicals. when I was puking up bile (when my meds were 2 seconds late and I began to feel again) the docs sent me to have my gallbladder scanned (MRI or CT, I don't recall) to rule it out as a cause. I was "NPO" (no food or water) and taken off my meds while I slept; fentanyl drip with dilaudid "boosters" for a few hours... I woke up early and began to have pain and WITHDRAWAL so bad that by the time I was laid on the scanning table I was shaking so hard my hips, ankles, elbows, shoulders and head were clattering against it so loudly that the tech had to shout over the racket that if I felt I was unable to lay still for 70 to 90 minutes, I needed to say so, so that another type of test (ultrasound i think) could be ordered... talk about a stupid question, but I realized one thing, I now have some compassion for addicts. Every part of my body ached, and it felt like bubbles were boiling out of my bones and bursting as they passed out through my skin, leaving the area supersensititive like a chipped tooth, and anything touching it was like chewing tinfoil atop that, acidly electrical-shocking feeling. I blacked out twice whie being wheeled back to my room where 3mg of dilaudid was delivered quickly, intravenously into a line near my neck/collarbone. Nothing had EVER felt better. It's terrifying to recall the relief I got and to know what it was even though the meds were tapered back to what I have now; a 5mcg/hr fentanyl patch and 10mg vicodins for "breakthrough pain", bad news, etc. I seem to get along ok right now, but can't deny I'll face the inevitable. That and the fact that I am now bitterly jealous of the person I was (myself) before the accident. Imagine trying to make sense of that without feeling kookoo.. and wondering if maybe it's just a side-effect of the drugs... happy pills just make me smile when I ask for a referal to Dr. J. Kevorkian. Thanks to any and all for continuing prayers and encouragement. I'm daily begging mercy. I had no fear of Gods wrath, for I knew not I'd angered Him/Her and I'm still skeptical I should deserve this. No offense to anyone re; their beliefs. Thanks again. Ride safely.
again many thanks to all.
I hit a few buttons like; "pm" and "buddy" trying to catch justaspeedfreak, not sure what i did. Two weeks back, my hand doc pulled some, as he put it; "residual" metal from my L hand, that should've been out before I was cleared for therapy back in mid Oct, a pin stuck out while I was showering, and xrays found 3 more in the hand, "oops", but there was so much to my injuries, I can't be anything but grateful they are still attached. It was unnecessary torture and lost time and setback, but aside from having another dr copy dated xrays and note the slip-up, it doesn't seem worth pursuing as injurous itself. I am still waiting for the VA to say whether they can help me as these injuries are not part of my service-connected (shoulder paralysis) disability... I've heard tricare or such can be used as a secondary insuror if needed, but haven't found the right person/question to ask yet. yesterday, I went to the orthodoc again, dunno who refered me to this guy.. looks at the ct scan he ordered, sees a bone growth out from part of my elbow joint, jamming the joint, tells me; "maybe I can kinda, sorta, in a way, release the joint by cutting away the growth as well as some tendon, muscle, ligaments and stuff I think, might not help... could get your elbow to be sorta, in a way, like an elbow again.. maybe, maybe not... blah, blah, namby,pamby, iffy, sorta gonna go watch Andy Griffith and wish I was Opie... -maybe the muscle will all get too disconnected and you'll have nothing still..." (and then need muscle reattached too!) this guy seems about as sure he can do a surgical release of the joint as I am I could fly from atop the right pyramid... scary. All I could imagine was this guy in the operating room, asking the tech for "one of those sharp, cutter-things.. with a handle." tech; "uh.. scalpel?" "yeah, and some of that blood-soaker-upper stuff..." When I got back to my car I blew up, wondering if he'd have; maybe, sort of, kind of, in a way thought I'd be signing a release for the twit to go hacking on what's left of me with no promises, positive percentile expectations of outcome or guarantees... maybe sorta,.. ..kind of. unreal waste of time there. seeking new orthodoc; hand docs pa gave praise of an ortho in the same building as them, not sure how to get ct films from other guys offc first, maybe just cancel appt and ask to pick them up. He ordered them ,but insurance paid for them so that makes them... mine? long as they run ain't you glad i don't post often. (grumble, groan, gripe.) Eric
